It's a funny thing, the heart....How our hearts begin to fall in love with someone we have never seen. That's what happened though, every time I was pregnant ( and that was a lot!). I found myself falling in love with this tiny person I had never even seen. I would think about them at the oddest times during the day or night. For nine months I felt like I was carrying around a secret in my heart. A secret no one else could know or understand or love. Maybe my husband felt that way too but not being a man I cannot say for sure.
I can't say I understand it but that seems to be happening in my heart now. I begin thinking about our next child, whoever or wherever they may be, and a little smile begins to creep across my heart; sinking into all the cracks and crevices, making a home there. Who knew a heart could have so much room!
Just like when I was pregnant I know this is going to be a long wait. (I was usually two weeks overdue). I know I will have many obstacles to overcome..... but when I was pregnant I was willing to go through ANYTHING to hold that baby...... because I loved him already!
Hang on heart....we are in for the long haul!
(Our next round of paperwork is done)!!!

Remember the game of Mother-May-I? You know the person who is "it" can give orders to people about taking big steps or little steps to see who reaches "it" first. Of course it was totally unfair and rigged because you could always make the person of your choosing win or loose. (yes, I was that callous as a child). We are discovering that the process of adoption is rather like the game of mother-may-I: "take three steps back....one teeny step forward"
I refuse to be disappointed by any of this. In all fairness we were warned that the process can be tricky. It's funny because I have this perfect peace that God is so in this that I cannot despair. To be honest, I wish I felt this way about all areas of my life
I recently received a Voice of the Martyrs update on which the cover was written, "opposition is our opportunity". HHHMMMM? Really? Is that how I view things? I'm pretty sure when I run into opposition of any kind my first inclination is to quit or at least complain. When I have finally run out of myself THEN I turn to God and say "okay, here's an opportunity for you to show up".
Often times opposition is crushing because it can come from unexpected places. It takes us by surprise when it comes from our circle of friends or our church family, or even from within our own family. It hurts us and causes us to doubt if we are doing the right thing. Instead of feeling hurt or doubt myself the next time opposition comes I'm going to see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to share my vision, my passion, my Christ!

Streams in the Desert is one of my favorite devotionals!! God always has a comforting or encouraging word through its pages. Get a copy! Devour it!



“This thing is from me.” 1 Kings 12:24


“Life’s disappointments are veiled love’s appointments.” Rev. C. A. Fox.

My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head. This thing is from me.

Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too? For, “he that toucheth you, toucheth the apple of mine eye.” (Zech. 2:8) You are very precious in My sight. (Isa. 43:4) Therefore, it is My special delight to educate you.

I would have you learn when temptations assail you, and the “enemy comes in like a flood,” that this thing is from Me, that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you.

Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never
consult your taste, who put you in the background? This thing is from Me. I am the God of circumstances. Thou camest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee.

Have you not asked to be made humble? See then, I have placed you in the very school where
this lesson is taught; your surroundings and companions are only working out My will.

Are you in money difficulties? Is it hard to make both ends meet? This thing is from Me, for I am your purse-bearer and would have you draw from and depend upon Me. My supplies are limitless. (Phil. 4:19) I would have you prove my promises. Let it not be said of you, “In this thing ye did not believe the Lord your God” (Deut. 1:32).

Are you passing through a night of sorrow? This thing is from Me. I am the Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief. I have let earthly comforters fail you, that by turning to Me you may obtain everlasting consolation. (2 Thess. 2:16,17) Have you longed to do some great work for Me and instead have been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness? This thing is from Me. I could not get your attention in your busy days and I want to teach you some of my deepest lessons. “They also serve who only stand and wait.” Some of My greatest workers are those shut out from active service, that they may learn to wield the weapon of all-prayer.

This day I place in your hand this pot of holy oil. Make use of it free, my child. Let every circumstance that arises, every word that pains you, every interruption that would make you impatient, every revelation of your weakness be anointed with it. The sting will go as you learn to see Me in all things.

Laura A. Barter Snow

“This is from Me, the Saviour said, As bending low He kissed my brow,For One who loves you thus has led. Just rest in Me, be patient now,Your Father knows you have need of this, Tho’, why perchance you cannot see.Grieve not for things you’ve seemed to miss. The thing I send is best for thee.Then looking through my tears, I plead, Dear Lord, forgive, I did not know,Twill not be hard since Thou dost tread, Each path before me here below.And for my good this thing must be, His grace sufficient for each test.So still I’ll sing, Whatever be, God’s way for me is always best.”

From Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles Cowman

I heard on the radio today that "life is about relationships". If this is so then sometimes I wonder how I'm doing in life. Let's face it sometimes I just don't have time to do relationships really well. You know with, ortho appointments and Dr.'s visits and shuffling kids to and from every event known to man who really has time for relationships. And it strikes me as funny that we have to be told that life is about relationships. Did my grandparents have to be told or were they just living them. How about great grands? Did they know that life is about relationships or when someone was sick did they take food without being told to?

How am I doing on relationships? With my kids?...who swear that my greatest ability is to act like I'm listening to them when quite frankly I'm not (I've heard that same story 100 times). My husband?...Yes, I've got this one, oh unless the fact that for the last three weeks I've been asleep long before our usual bedtime chat. Friends?...yep, I've managed to throw in a few phone calls in the pick up line at school. Parents?...I know I called home last week, or was it two? My sister? Yes! Score one!

Okay maybe I'm not as bad as all that at relationships.... but it does leave me to wonder. Maybe I should put this on the top of my list (if I could find it)

I mentioned in my first ever blog that I was on, what Mark Batterson calls, a "Wild Goose Chase". He uses this term to define what it is like to follow the Holy Spirit of God. We do not know where God will take us but we do have a choice as to whether or not we will follow. Well sometimes we have a choice.... somethings are thrust upon us which we would never choose.... our choice comes in how we will walk through those difficult things. We can choose to go through kicking and screaming or we can choose to walk it through with the grace of God. Sometimes we start out with the former but after a time of wrestling with HIM we choose to submit and accept the grace of God for whatever situation we may be in. When my baby choked and was in the hospital ER I was crying out to God to save his life and God spoke very clearly to my heart and said, "Whether this baby lives or dies, I will still be God, I am still on the throne". I knew at that moment that He was in complete control and didn't struggle with Him anymore that night. I had the "peace of God which passes ALL understanding"!! (btw... by HIS mercy that baby is now 12 years old)
God has recently called us to follow HIM into an new unknown. We became aware of some orphans in china through a friend's daughter who is working with them. Now, I have always been aware of the plight of the orphan but it was really just a distant thing in some far off country. I always felt that I would like to adopt but to my shame didn't trust God to provide the resources. At times my husband and I would talk about adopting; we would even go online and look at adoption websites, but the bottom line was always, "we can't afford it right now". Through the mixed blessing of an inheritance this year we now find ourselves in the position to be able to adopt.
It was funny because on the day my husband was driving home from South Carolina, after making funeral arrangements for his mother, I had the thought that we could now afford to adopt. Joe called on his way home and during the conversation he said, "you realize we now have the money to adopt"! Confirmation!!!
I have a friend who calls God, "The Great Overlapper". When HE begins to put something on your heart HE usually puts it before you many different times, in many different ways. God started to do this with adoption. I know HE knows my fragile will and HE needs to confirm HIMSELF to me many times to get the message across! I was in the car one week, everyday at the same time. This may not sound unusual but it is at time when I am hardly ever in the car because I'm usually at home teaching my three younger boys. I turned on my radio which I keep tuned to faith radio and the programming airing at that time was about adoption!!! I'm not kidding. For the entire week!!
You need to understand that even though I realized that we now had the money I was in a HUGE wrestling match with God. I told HIM every reason why I could not adopt...... I'm too old (Ha... I'm always telling my husband we are in the prime of life! 50 is the new 40!) I'm too busy, I had HIM there... after all I was busy.... We have enough children.... HHHMMM... I remembered a dream of my dear friend in which she saw me with all of my children and I said "my time is divided but my love is multiplied". Can you ever run out of love for another child?
I decided to stop wrestling, stop making excuse and start listening. I began to seek out the heart of God on the orphan. Let me tell you it is not difficult to find out how God feels in searching HIS word!! His heart is definitely FOR the orphan. HE definitely wants HIS people to come to the aid of the orphan. I heard Rick Warren's wife speak on the subject and she asked: " Do not ask yourself , what will the government do for the orphan, do not ask what will the philanthropist do but ask what will you do?". I had to ask myself the hard question, am I going to live for myself in this world or realize that my life is not at all about me but something far greater and bigger than I could ever imagine?
So we find ourselves chasing the Wild Goose......

Do you ever feel like you are just going from one day to the next.... same ole, same ole? You have every good intention to do the stuff on your "to do" list but.... your daughter calls and needs to talk, and you have to do certain things...teaching your children, or doing the laundry, cooking supper, then your husband needs you to do something, and before you know it the day has slipped by and you've not done that "to do" list.... again! Well, do not look here for the answer.... maybe a suggestion but definitely not the answer.
This is one of my challenges in this life. Ironically I'm married to the worlds most organized man!!! He loves his list and seems to always get through one and is making another before I've crossed anything off of mine. Truth be told, I've usually lost mine and am trying to remember what was on that one in order to make a new one.
So in my attempt to be organized this year my one change is to live by the list! No really, I can do this!! I think I should post my list somewhere so it won't get lost, maybe on the fridge? No way, too tempting to skip the list and go straight for the fridge. Okay by the phone.... of course that means that I have to keep a pencil there so I can cross things off of my list as they happen. Now if your house is like mine you know that pens and pencils are free for the taking (or so my children believe) so a pencil by my list wouldn't last two minutes before some child came along and pilfered it. HHHMMMM, how does one keep a list, literally?
Okay, back to those days rolling over into weeks, months, years..... we are entering what we so affectionately call "the dark ages". You know, those long winter days where there's nothing on the horizon, just more work, more cold, and less sunlight. Now really is the time to make one small change. I'm going to change my workouts. No, really. If I change my existing workout they will become fresh... Something which I have to learn, therefore keeping my mind alert as well.
So my suggestion to you, start a bible study (precept.org), make a lunch date with that friend you've been meaning to call, change your workout, start a blog:). Make one small change just to make the dark days, well, not so dark. In the mean time I'm going to figure out how to get through my list!!!!

New Year's Day..... whew a new beginning. I hate it and love it. I hate change and was doing okay in the old year. Things were going along just fine. Why do we have to start a new one? On the other hand, the tree is down, all the pine needles vacuumed up, the house is clean and purged of everything that smells like chocolate. So, a new start. I like to think of one thing which I can do differently this next year. What is the one thing that will make an impact in my days? I'd really like to have more order to my day. I'm never sure how to do that. I love those fresh clean pages in a daily organizer. I'm afraid though that would get used about a week before I lost it in a pile somewhere. Maybe a schedule posted somewhere in the house.... right beside my scripture I've posted to memorize (I haven't gotten past verse six... only twenty seven to go). I'm sure it will come to me....in the mean time, happy new year