Confession #1. I am a terrible blogger; as I am with anything which requires for than five minutes of my free time. I am not a very disciplined person. I don't have what one of my friends calls, "finishers disease". If something goes unfinished it does not stress me out too much. With those things which must be done I make myself accountable to someone. By hosting the Bible study, I must do my homework. When working out I make sure someone is going to ask if I actually did it; guilt goes a long way with me. Then there are the things which,if left undone would completely run amok: laundry, the mess in my car, child rearing, etc...
Here I will make an attempt at writing a post which makes some sense, though I've already been interrupted about fours times!
Confession #2. Following The Wild Goose is sometimes difficult. Sometimes we don't see the handiwork of God in our current situation. Sometimes we don't hear His gentle voice in our hearts, leading and guiding. Frankly, sometimes I just don't trust Him. If I can't see Him and I can't hear Him then I conclude He must not be working in my life. This clearly is a lie, which I know in my head but sometimes it's so easy to believe. Let me explain....
When I last posted eleven months ago we were deep in the adoption process; getting fingerprints, applying with various government agencies, but most of all, waiting! It seems this process goes in bursts. You have certain things which must be done in a very timely fashion. Once done, you would think you would move on to the next square, kind of like a game of "Candy Land". This is much more like "Chutes and Ladders". At any time the Chinese government can and does change the rules. When this happens you find yourself sliding back down to square one. And so it goes; one giant step forward, three steps backwards. I always hated the game of "Mother may I?"
During this time of waiting, it is so easy to think that God is inactive. That He too is waiting for the Chinese government. How wrong that thinking is! It speaks of a very shallow faith, because faith by its very nature is to trust and believe when you cannot see. So while we were filling out reams of papers and becoming qualified to adopt, life went on.....laundry got done, children got reared and even working out became part of my routine again. Then came August and a day which would change our lives and perspectives. I got the phone call and email I had been waiting for and dreaming of; here was a file of a little girl who needed a forever family. Immediately I called Joe at his office, to hear him declare, "Isn't she beautiful,!" This was the confirmation which I had prayed for, that Joe would know her when he saw her. Quickly we filled out all of the paperwork only to begin the long wait for the Chinese government to send us a letter of approval.
During this waiting period we were allowed to send our daughter packages. We put together a photo album with all of her new brothers and sisters and mommy and daddy. We shipped it off (with a teddy bear) to a land as remote to me as the moon. As she was three at the time I wondered how much she would comprehend. I'm sure she knew that she now had a family, but never having had one before what did that even mean to her?
Confession #3. I am NOT God (but I got a glimpse into His mind during this time).
God's word tell us that He is. Though we have never seen Him in the flesh (except for those who lived at the time of Jesus)does not negate the fact that He exists.
God's word tells us that He works on our behalf. Our daughter has no idea all of the work we have gone through to arrange her adoption. She has no idea of the papers filled out, meetings we've gone to, time spent trying to procure the right documents and of course the thousands of dollars we have spent. She only knows that somewhere she has this thing called family.
God's word tells us that He came once in the flesh and will return a second time. Frankly, though I believe with all my heart that He did come in the flesh in the God/man we know as Jesus the Christ (or anointed one), the coming again is sometimes puzzling to me. How will He come again? Will I know Him when He does? When will this happen? Could it be in my lifetime? Again, I am reminded of our daughter in China who is now four. Does she wonder when or even if we are coming? Does she get up everyday anticipating or arrival and go to bed each night disappointed we did not come for her? With each passing day does she believe less or does she grow stronger in anticipation?

If I could speak to her I would tell her; "We are coming! We are preparing a place for you. We are making everything right. Certain things must happen before we can come, but do not doubt; we will come for you. Noting can stop me!" I will move mountains to get to my daughter and bring her home.
Isn't that exactly what Jesus said to us, "I go to prepare a place for you. I will come again and get you" .
With child like faith, I choose to believe Him. I know He is working on my behalf. I know He is making things ready. I KNOW He will come again.

The New Normal

I know I have eaten a lot of words in my life, but what I wouldn't do for an extra hour of sleep right now. (as long as I don't have to give up another hour of daylight to get it). I am beyond tired these days. My doctor assures me it is nothing but I know it feels like something. (since the time of writing this as a draft, we discovered I have Epstien Barr or better known as chronic fatigue).
Enough of my whining! As you know bc most of you were there, we celebrated a most beautiful event in November. Joe gave Elizabeth's hand in marriage to Mr. Evan Hicks. We were so happy for them both. It is a blessed thing to be married. It is like no other relationship on earth. It is so unique that it is definitely God ordained. Marriage is both the best, and at times the worst thing, I have done. It strains everything in my make up to die to my own wants and desires and to live for someone else! What a beautiful picture of Christ; He dies for me that I may live for Him. I am His bride.
We moved right from there into Christmas. Wow, how much do I love Christmas. I love the way it smells; cinnamon and pine. I love they way it sounds. It is never too early for Christmas music. My new fav this year was Stanton Lanier. (December peace). I definitely love the way Christmas looks; trees inside! Yes! I don't care who thought of it first and if it started as a pagan tradition, it was a good idea! I love the way our tree looks; handmade decorations, mementos from all of the places we have been, and of course the angel from Nuremberg! Ok, three things I don't like about Christmas; spending too much, stress of forgetting someone, and lines!
Now we are in a new year. 2011! Wow how does that happen? We are trying to get back into routine. Ha! I'm not sure what that is. Routine is good. It keeps life "normal". (As if there is such a thing as normal....if anyone finds it let me know). Is it normal to feel this tired? Is it normal for a nine year old to be on medication because if they don't do something an even number of times their little life spins out of control? Normal? How normal is it for a child to wait half way around the world waiting for someone to call Mommy, yet no one comes? Oops, i got a little out of control.... Back to routine and the idea that maybe I have a little bit of control over what happens today, (again, HA!)
It is really now February, and I am grateful for another day, another week, another month.I look forward to another beautiful wedding this year. In May, Ben and Rachel will get married. Blessings abound. Soon there after, we hope to be traveling to China to get our daughter! We will let you all know as soon as we know her.