Random thoughts

It is very early, I couldn't sleep. Over the last couple of days I have been to the ear, nose and throat Dr. As well as Pri-med. I've been given four prescriptions (sinus stuff) and one shot in the backside. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of a headache and it woke me again at four am. I can't take my headache medicine because I'm fasting for blood work. I'm telling you all of this because when I woke up this morning not only was I aware of this huge ache in my head but also in there was this chorus floating around. It took me a minute of straining through the headache to figure out the words rolling around in there then I did they went something like this: "How He loves us so, oh how He loves us"

I kind of chuckled thinking it's ironic to be in such incredible pain yet there's God speaking to my heart of His love for me. He wrapped His arms around me and spoke those words to my heart. In the midst of my pain He, like a father, put His arms around me, and said the words each child longs to hear..."I know you're hurting but I love you". Two days ago a friend in my study on prayer commented on a sentence in the book which asked the question, "do you walk around all day with the deep sense of Gods love for you?" (I'm paraphrasing). Now, if you knew something of the last week we've had you might say, like Job's wife, "why don't you just curse God and die?" Ok, I'm being a little dramatic, but we did have several friends with near death emergencies as well as the news that Joes dear step mom is moving into a new stage of cancer. Our hearts are full of the sadness, joys, and brevity and of life on this earth (eternity is not brief but that's another post). Maybe one of the reasons Job didn't curse God, rather choosing to trust Him in the midst of horrible pain, was that he was well aware that God loved Him. I am grateful that God, who in all of His majesty breathed out the stars scattering them across the universe also breathed His whispers of love to my heart.

"All of a sudden, I am unaware of my afflictions by the weight of your glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections for me;oh how He loves us so. How He loves us"

More random thoughts...John, Noble and I are reading, The Mitchell's Five for Victory, a story about a family during WWII. In there story there is a little orphan girl who is eventually reunited with her grandfather. When this happens, Joan Mitchell remarks that "Eunice is no longer an I but now she is a we!" Joan talks about how lonely it must be to be "an I." We immediately thought of our Myra-Frances who, though she doesn't understand yet what it means is a "we" is no longer just "an I". I can't wait for her to discover what it means to be a "we". (although in this house, frankly there can be a little too much we sometimes). The simplified Chinese translation for I Love You is 我爱你....I wonder if God is whispering that to Myra-Frances' heart? (And no, I have not learned Chinese....glorious are the uses of the Internet!)

Random thought three...Sarah just finished reading Gone with the Wind and we were discussing how Scarlet could have had Rhett Butler but kept holding out hope that Ashley loved her. (After watching the movie Sarah was even more shocked! That Scarlett didn't choose Clark Gable!). It is crazy how she help onto little threads of hope of being loved when she could have had all she wanted but was too blind to see it!

I guess these thoughts aren't so random after all, He loves us, oh How He loves us!!!

*The song "How He Loves Us" can be found on iTunes under Me in Motion,

the Lifted up Hands EP

Confession #1. I am a terrible blogger; as I am with anything which requires for than five minutes of my free time. I am not a very disciplined person. I don't have what one of my friends calls, "finishers disease". If something goes unfinished it does not stress me out too much. With those things which must be done I make myself accountable to someone. By hosting the Bible study, I must do my homework. When working out I make sure someone is going to ask if I actually did it; guilt goes a long way with me. Then there are the things which,if left undone would completely run amok: laundry, the mess in my car, child rearing, etc...
Here I will make an attempt at writing a post which makes some sense, though I've already been interrupted about fours times!
Confession #2. Following The Wild Goose is sometimes difficult. Sometimes we don't see the handiwork of God in our current situation. Sometimes we don't hear His gentle voice in our hearts, leading and guiding. Frankly, sometimes I just don't trust Him. If I can't see Him and I can't hear Him then I conclude He must not be working in my life. This clearly is a lie, which I know in my head but sometimes it's so easy to believe. Let me explain....
When I last posted eleven months ago we were deep in the adoption process; getting fingerprints, applying with various government agencies, but most of all, waiting! It seems this process goes in bursts. You have certain things which must be done in a very timely fashion. Once done, you would think you would move on to the next square, kind of like a game of "Candy Land". This is much more like "Chutes and Ladders". At any time the Chinese government can and does change the rules. When this happens you find yourself sliding back down to square one. And so it goes; one giant step forward, three steps backwards. I always hated the game of "Mother may I?"
During this time of waiting, it is so easy to think that God is inactive. That He too is waiting for the Chinese government. How wrong that thinking is! It speaks of a very shallow faith, because faith by its very nature is to trust and believe when you cannot see. So while we were filling out reams of papers and becoming qualified to adopt, life went on.....laundry got done, children got reared and even working out became part of my routine again. Then came August and a day which would change our lives and perspectives. I got the phone call and email I had been waiting for and dreaming of; here was a file of a little girl who needed a forever family. Immediately I called Joe at his office, to hear him declare, "Isn't she beautiful,!" This was the confirmation which I had prayed for, that Joe would know her when he saw her. Quickly we filled out all of the paperwork only to begin the long wait for the Chinese government to send us a letter of approval.
During this waiting period we were allowed to send our daughter packages. We put together a photo album with all of her new brothers and sisters and mommy and daddy. We shipped it off (with a teddy bear) to a land as remote to me as the moon. As she was three at the time I wondered how much she would comprehend. I'm sure she knew that she now had a family, but never having had one before what did that even mean to her?
Confession #3. I am NOT God (but I got a glimpse into His mind during this time).
God's word tell us that He is. Though we have never seen Him in the flesh (except for those who lived at the time of Jesus)does not negate the fact that He exists.
God's word tells us that He works on our behalf. Our daughter has no idea all of the work we have gone through to arrange her adoption. She has no idea of the papers filled out, meetings we've gone to, time spent trying to procure the right documents and of course the thousands of dollars we have spent. She only knows that somewhere she has this thing called family.
God's word tells us that He came once in the flesh and will return a second time. Frankly, though I believe with all my heart that He did come in the flesh in the God/man we know as Jesus the Christ (or anointed one), the coming again is sometimes puzzling to me. How will He come again? Will I know Him when He does? When will this happen? Could it be in my lifetime? Again, I am reminded of our daughter in China who is now four. Does she wonder when or even if we are coming? Does she get up everyday anticipating or arrival and go to bed each night disappointed we did not come for her? With each passing day does she believe less or does she grow stronger in anticipation?

If I could speak to her I would tell her; "We are coming! We are preparing a place for you. We are making everything right. Certain things must happen before we can come, but do not doubt; we will come for you. Noting can stop me!" I will move mountains to get to my daughter and bring her home.
Isn't that exactly what Jesus said to us, "I go to prepare a place for you. I will come again and get you" .
With child like faith, I choose to believe Him. I know He is working on my behalf. I know He is making things ready. I KNOW He will come again.

The New Normal

I know I have eaten a lot of words in my life, but what I wouldn't do for an extra hour of sleep right now. (as long as I don't have to give up another hour of daylight to get it). I am beyond tired these days. My doctor assures me it is nothing but I know it feels like something. (since the time of writing this as a draft, we discovered I have Epstien Barr or better known as chronic fatigue).
Enough of my whining! As you know bc most of you were there, we celebrated a most beautiful event in November. Joe gave Elizabeth's hand in marriage to Mr. Evan Hicks. We were so happy for them both. It is a blessed thing to be married. It is like no other relationship on earth. It is so unique that it is definitely God ordained. Marriage is both the best, and at times the worst thing, I have done. It strains everything in my make up to die to my own wants and desires and to live for someone else! What a beautiful picture of Christ; He dies for me that I may live for Him. I am His bride.
We moved right from there into Christmas. Wow, how much do I love Christmas. I love the way it smells; cinnamon and pine. I love they way it sounds. It is never too early for Christmas music. My new fav this year was Stanton Lanier. (December peace). I definitely love the way Christmas looks; trees inside! Yes! I don't care who thought of it first and if it started as a pagan tradition, it was a good idea! I love the way our tree looks; handmade decorations, mementos from all of the places we have been, and of course the angel from Nuremberg! Ok, three things I don't like about Christmas; spending too much, stress of forgetting someone, and lines!
Now we are in a new year. 2011! Wow how does that happen? We are trying to get back into routine. Ha! I'm not sure what that is. Routine is good. It keeps life "normal". (As if there is such a thing as normal....if anyone finds it let me know). Is it normal to feel this tired? Is it normal for a nine year old to be on medication because if they don't do something an even number of times their little life spins out of control? Normal? How normal is it for a child to wait half way around the world waiting for someone to call Mommy, yet no one comes? Oops, i got a little out of control.... Back to routine and the idea that maybe I have a little bit of control over what happens today, (again, HA!)
It is really now February, and I am grateful for another day, another week, another month.I look forward to another beautiful wedding this year. In May, Ben and Rachel will get married. Blessings abound. Soon there after, we hope to be traveling to China to get our daughter! We will let you all know as soon as we know her.

Sleep Schmeep

"But you get an extra hour of sleep!" It's all I hear! Don't those peple realize what is coming? people everywhere, all a twitter over what? an extra hour of sleep! Haven't we been warned over and over again in scripture NOT to be caught sleeping? Yes, but do they care, no, they are selling their soul for an extra hour of sleep!
Have they forgotten what is to follow? Dark!!! Yep, as I gaze out my window at precisely, 4:26 pm the shadows of darkness are already creeping in. By 5:15 it will be black out there. Black when we get out of swimming, black when we get out of bed!
Did these same people pay no heed to the vikings, who in desperation threw a wheel onto the fire then rolled it flaming down the hill; all to tempt the sun to come back! Or maybe we should think of all of the cultures who built their dwellings facing the sun....there was a reason. How about those in the middle east who kept fires burning brightly to help the sun battle the evil darkness.
Do not they realize that with that extra hour of sleep comes, ugh, dare I say it, WINTER! (Okay all of you who live north of me can laugh but there is a reason I settled way below the mason dixon line!). Dont try to tempt me with all thise fluffy thoughts of winter like, sweaters, hot chocoalte and fires....it's all a ruse to try to hide the fact that winter is well, cold and dark.
I'm not buying it people. I will NOT go silently into that good night. i will shout it out.... bring back day light savings time!

Fasten Your Seatbelts

"...it's going to be a wild ride". Ever had one of those years, you know the kind.... you're treading and treading and your nose is just at the top of the water. Every once in a while you take a gulp of water in and then come back up to the surface, gasp for air, and keep treading. I thought, a little naively, that after Jake and Sam left for college and my addition was done (therefore my additional "family members", aka, the workmen were gone) life was going to settle down. We would get into a nice easy pace, set the cruise control, and travel along with our five remaining. It was going to be sooo easy. Hmmmm, sounds a little like "just when you think it's safe to go back in the water". I should have heard the shark music in the background!

When I left you last August, we were finishing up testing for ADHD on a couple of boys. We got all the tests back, decided that medicating would be best and headed off, again naively, with prescription (and confidence) in hand. Caleb was a text book case.... mildly ADD, took the prescription, had a stomach ache for a few days, meds work great... now making straight A's! (We always knew he could) Yeah Caleb! Noble was A case for the text books. The meds had terrible side effects and we tore through several prescriptions, (all having really bad side effects) before finding the one he is currently on. It helps to a degree, but this dear son has a triple whammy....., ADHD, Dyslexia, and OCD (okay who out there doesn't do "evens"). Of course he still makes us LOL, and is GLAW (growing like a weed, I made that one up).

Keep treading....... as disconcerting as it was to lose Jake to college it was even worse to realize I had lost a driver! Let's just say that Sarah and I did the happy dance this week as we did our last 4 am wake up for practice!!! The things we do for our children! All I can say is they better be prepared when I get old... I mean really old. The kind of old where I can't drive and I'm back in diapers old! On the flip side of losing a driver we gained a lot of time with Gracie (age 5) as Ben adjusted to single parenting. I am so very proud of him. He has done a great job!

Take a deep breath. Whee Christmas arrives! And with it, we get a call from Elizabeth's beau that he would like to speak to us! I have to say, I love this young man. Who wouldn't love a young man who comes to you and says, "we have maintained our purity, I love your daughter and I'm asking you for her hand". Ok, girls hold out for a man like this!!! They are out there. My young boys are in GIT, (our own little acronym for Gentlemen in Training). They get points when they open my car door, hold doors open for people, and pull out my chair. If he's not doing these things for you girls, move on! All of that said, as wonderful as weddings are they are no picnic to plan! I feel the need to come up for air just writing about it.

So you see why I have been strangely silent this year. I have been following THE WILD GOOSE all the more closely but holding on for dear life as He veered off in some crazy directions. Oh, did I mention, we are half way through our home study, and have our eyes on China once again? More on that later, my legs are getting tired. I think I hear the music in the background, "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming".i

boys and bunnies

I've heard it said that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. I had that experience recently when I dropped off my son at college only it was his life flashing before my eyes. As this was the forth time doing this I thought I was prepared this time... no such luck. As I drove away from the dorms, before I reached the end of the parking lot, willing myself NOT to look in the rear view mirror, I remembered the day he was born. In an instance I remembered what he got for his fourth birthday ( a playmobil fort) and when his brother hit him across the nose with a stick.

My heart began to break as this season of mothering him came to a close. I drove down the streets, tears rolling down my cheeks, not caring who saw me because most of the cars were probably filled with other crying parents. What did I do about this? Why I called my Mother of course. She could commiserate and cry with me. She could remember with me all the years. Mothers are good for that you know.

I got home and Joe and I cried together and then like all good parents we got up, went upstairs and started to throw away everything the boys left behind. Between the two boys we sent off this week and moving brothers into their old room we carted off EIGHT bags of trash and countless to Goodwill. We now have a spotless upstairs (I don't think we've seen that floor in years) and we start a new year of school around here.

Speaking of the other boys, the ones still here.... Yesterday Noble excitedly told us there was a baby bunny on the porch. Apparently Annie our beloved house cat brought us a present of a brand new baby bunny. She often leaves us gifts, but this one was still living! Of course John and Noble were thrilled because they just knew that God had dropped a (much prayed and begged for) new pet right into their laps. I knew baby didn't have a chance and would probably die by morning but like a dutiful mother I sought the advice of professionals (facebook friends and google). I made a late trip to WalMart in search of kitten formula. (who knew such a thing existed) Sadly the best I could do was goats milk. But I figured if bunnies could drink kitten formula, they could probably tolerate goats milk. So I headed home armed with an eyedropper and a can of goats milk.

John was an excellent mother and cradled bunny (now named Wallace) in his arm (baby bunnies nurse on their backs) and dropped tiny drops of milk into bunny. He seemed to perk up a little as I coaxed him to pee with a wet cotton ball... (the website said to mimic the mommy but licking it was out of the question). The boys wrapped Wallace up and settled him down for sleep.

Morning came only to find Wallace's cold limp body in the cage. Tragically as the boys were having the viewing the feline perpetrator of the murdered bunny crawled up on the porch and dropped another one at our feet. Here we go again. As we learned mother bunnies only are in the nest once in the morning and once in the evening to nurse them (can you say bad mothership?)Brother bunny, Flavio, was in even worse shape so by the time we got home from church we held a dual funeral.

As you can see this has been an emotional week all the way around.

What is pure and undefiled religion? For that matter what is religion? We are surrounded by all kinds of people who say they are religious. Certainly many things, good and evil have been done in the name of religion. And if religion can be undefiled can it also be defiled? Good questions....... of course you can quit reading here or you can be adventurous and keep reading thus gaining access into my thoughts.....

If you looked up the word you might find something like "a social belief system" or if you looked in a Greek lexicon it would tell you that it is "external ceremonies having to do with religious discipline". Personally I'm not in love with the word religion (mostly that has to do with the fact that I believe religion is man's way to God NOT God's way to man) but since it is God Himself through James who uses the word I'll get on with it. Religion can indeed be undefiled and fortunately for us God tells us what that looks like..... James 1:27 tells us it is to visit the widows and orphans in their distress (and to keep yourself unstained by the world). I've thought so much about this recently as we have tried to follow "the Wild Goose" on this particular journey. We keep trying to "visit the orphan" but get thwarted at every turn! Maybe there is another way we can visit the orphan? Maybe we are limiting ourselves (and God) when we say we only want to adopt. Maybe God can use us differently?

Has God blessed you financially? Be kingdom minded with your resources. Has God given you arms to hold and cradle the orphan... seek them out! Has He given you talents which you can use to spread the word that there is a plight of the orphan? Have you even asked Him how He would have you respond to this need?

My arms feel empty because I want to hold a new daughter or son. I want to hold a child and have them call me Mommy. But God's plan is bigger. If I adopt one child I can help one child. BUT, if I commit money every year I can help several children EVERY YEAR!!!

Want to know how you can draw near to the orphan? Go to newdaycreations.com/foster Go to the right of the page click on "how to help".... you will have so many options, one time help or sponsor a child.

This my dear ones is pure and undefiled religion (it is, as I have said before, the heart of God)
Now, as for that religion being man's way to God... instead seek out a relationship with Him and I think you will be well on your way to pure and undefiled....